I was wrong. I was rude. And I needed to set it straight.

It was late to go shopping, but I had been cooped up for days recovering from oral surgery. It was after we had paid for our grocery order that I wanted to squeeze in that special order at customer service right before going home to put the kiddos to bed. I felt tired and a bit hollow inside from not eating well the days before. And it was bed-time. Not really a good “set-the-scene.” Note to self: don’t try to “squeeze-it-in” when you’re tired.

I waited patiently for the customer service representative to return. And I requested to special order a gluten free flour the store only seldom had in stock. The representative said, of course I could order it, and that it was sold out because customers buy all that is on the shelves in quantity and then the item gets back ordered at the warehouse. He called on the speaker intercom for the grocery assistant representative to come help. I waited another few minutes for one to arrive and he did.

I asked if I could order the flour in quantity. He asked if it was in stock. I explained that it was out of stock today but that I buy it sometimes when it is on the shelf. He asked if I bought the flour at their store. I said yes. He asked when. I replied, perhaps a month ago. He went to the shelf to check. I waited.

He returned to tell me that if I had in fact bought the flour at their store, since there was no tag on the shelf now, it must have been discontinued. I asked if they could special order it for me. He said it was discontinued and asked if I was positive that I had bought the flour at their store. I asked if items that are discontinued are then in stock later. He said sometimes. But he didn’t know when and what.

I started getting frustrated. He didn’t know what, when, or where. Just that it wasn’t there. No information about if I could order it. No apology that he didn’t know, and a suggestion that perhaps I could come back in the morning ask a manager. No direction to another store location that might carry the flour. No indication of when it might be back on the shelf, or if in fact, it was discontinued. So, I stated I’d return in the morning to talk with someone who knew what they were talking about.

And then a lady walked by and told me, “that is really rude to talk with people that way.”

Wow.

At first I was livid. Who did she think she was? This conversation was none of her business. She didn’t have the right to judge me! Why didn’t she just keep her nose where it belongs, in her business. And why didn’t the grocery guy know anything at all about this flour I had bought in his store?

I couldn’t sleep that night. I tossed and turned. I shed a few tears in heavy frustration. I felt knots in my stomach. I was angry. I was embarrassed for being called out. I felt guilty for acting rudely. And I was upset that I still didn’t get the flour I wanted to buy.

My bible study group just read Romans chapter 2 about the error of judging others. I had judged the grocery guy. That lady had judged me. I had been rude and I was in the wrong. And maybe so was she, but that really wasn’t something for me decide now is it?

It is so difficult for me to admit that I am wrong. I don’t know if it is easier for others to admit mistakes. I wanted to say, “but, he didn’t know the answer to any of my questions…he has no idea what he is talking about! He wasn’t giving me any solutions! Isn’t that what a vendor should do? I was having a bad day. It was late and my surgery spot ached.” And then my conscious pipes up and says, “but really, Abbie, who cares?” That grocery guy didn’t care.  And that lady didn’t care. I thought I had a right to act frustrated. I thought I was having a day that was more lousy than his. But what if I was wrong?

What if I turned this experience on it’s head? What if I took that woman’s advice that I was rude? What if her words were actually God’s way of telling me, “hey, you read this in my Book a couple weeks ago! Did you forget? Get your act together!” What if I apologized? Would the knot in my stomach go away? Would my conscious become unburdened?

I returned to the store in the morning and I asked the assistant grocery manager if I could indeed, order the flour. He said yes. I explained I had been rude to the grocery associate working the evening before. And I asked him sincerely to relay my apology to that man. He smiled, and there was something in him that made me think he knew. It wasn’t a smile that judged. It wasn’t a smile that gloated. It was a smile of, “it’s okay, I forgive because you have forgiven yourself.”