I was driving along with three kids in the car thinking about my To Do list and listening to our Christian radio station. A song about simply being who you are was playing. (Free to be Me by Francesca Battistelli.) She sung “try to fit the pieces together, but perfection is my enemy.” And there was a click in my heart. I just got it. Is my idea of perfection holding me back? I know I abstain from even starting a project if I know it isn’t going to come out perfect. Maybe I should really be living life letting go of what I think “would be perfect.” And rather, I should be seeking what God thinks is perfect for me.

I used to think that perfection was this standard to achieve. Though perfect is usually elusive, certain individuals like Martha Stewart seem to get it right most of the time. It was my mission in life to keep trying, striving, and working harder to get to that imaginary standard. Who says what is perfection? Who sets the bar? Me? Martha? Mass media? Other moms in our Church group perhaps? Peers?

I wondered, while listening to that song, “what if God’s idea of perfection for me is different from what I imagine perfection to be?” Then what? Might I do better to seek out that perfection God wants for me and for my family?”

What if a wallet full of bills, neatly ironed out, not a corner torn, and in serial number order is not what God thinks is perfect? What if instead He thinks that I should give that last worn out one dollar to a stranger a couple cents short on their order? What if a neatly organized, tidy living room is not what God thinks is perfect? What if instead He thinks I should be using my last ounce of strength to comfort fighting children, pull a roasted chicken out of the oven for dinner, and greet my husband home from work with a smile and a positive attitude? Am I ready for all that? Am I ready to let go of what I want to see and seek what God wants for me? Am I capable of accepting that perfect, imperfection? Do I have the faith to fall into His hands and let Him lead?

Maybe with a lot of prayer, self examination, and a strong desire to understand what it is that God thinks is perfect for me, I’ll get there. Spiritual perfection may not be so far away. I wonder where that will take me, though I have a strange feeling that it will be a better place than being stressed out about the material details of this world.